I do know your desperation and the pressure of the Spirit. What we want for our mate is always greatly magnified...in our hopes and in our frustrations. I think it is a real picture of God's desire for us as HIS bride. It does seem to take forever and a day, but it is all in God's perfect time. Our mates are really being "held" in their unknowing by God, in order that WE might be taught of Him. These pressures are always His way when He is "fixing" US in His ways and life...and then once again IN us when He is accomplishing truth and freedom FOR ANOTHER (now your wife) for whom we have believed. Ro. 12:1 calls this presentation of our bodies as a sacrifice our "reasonable service".
Your real challenge is not "to live more like Him" (that can only be a counterfeit as Satan tempted Adam with...to be LIKE God) but to say by faith or recognize that your life IS Him. Take by faith that EVERY breath, EVERY action, EVERY bit of you is Christ. The next leap now is to say the SAME about your wife. Your flesh and reason will scream against you, but God is renewing your mind to what is REALLY true. What we KNOW about ourself, we will know about another.
You say that what you see and hear from your wife weighs you down. You will come to discover that THAT heaviness IS the LIFE of Christ in you accomplishing what you have desired...intercession. There is NOTHING in you separate from Him...nor is there in your wife. Every time you are tempted to see the negative it is your opportunity to say the opposite/positive truth. THIS is the operation of faith. It tends to kink our brain. How can this be! But it is...and our minds are renewed...to the truth.
In John 7:24 Jesus tells us not to judge by the APPEARANCE of a person or situation, but to judge with righteous judgement. THAT is to see only Christ...ALL and IN all. At any given moment any of us can all feel or look like the opposite, but faith says, "I'll see only You, Jesus". As others are confirmed GREAT changes begin to take place in them. They know love and acceptance in way they have never known before...and LOVE NEVER FAILS!
We have been given the "keys (ability to unlock) to the kingdom (Matt.16)...whatsoever YOU bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatsoever YOU loose on earth will be loosed in heaven". By our word, our thought, our faith we hold people and free them.
You ask why it is only with you that your wife is as she is. I always think we are fully ourselves (positive or negative) with those we trust the most. She trusts you and God is giving YOU the privilege of freeing HIS life within her...and she (Christ in her) is laying down her life for you to KNOW His deeper truths and how to fully walk in them/Him.