An Armour Bearer

by John Collings


Following is a journal entry that was written in 1983. It seems just as true today as I woke up wondering what the day will bring.  It seems that nothing is going on . . .

It is my habit to wake up 10 or 15 minutes before the alarm goes off in morning and remember those that the Lord would put before me, and then to anticipate the events of the day before the hurry and hustle begin. This morning was no exception, except that I was overwhelmed with how much there was to do, phone calls to make, places to be. Forget intercession, I had to worry about my own agenda today.

These last two weeks have been amazing. During a wonderful weeks vacation with my family in Oklahoma, I pulled a muscle in my back. It really made me feel consider age and how short our time is here on earth. It was a struggle to move or even get out of a chair. Once as I was resting in the sun and no one was around I struggled to get up and simply could not because of the pain. As long as I lay still it was fine, but I could not push myself enough to actually get up. Then I remembered my grandfather telling me of falling in his basement and taking nearly 5 hours to gather the strength to pull himself to his feet and recover from his fall, all that time alone and afraid. The story had never struck me with such force.

The back healed in a few days, but after only a days respite, the symptoms of another problem arrived. I announced to my family that I had another kidney stone. Well, praise the Lord, It passed in only three days, and I was able to work a little on each of those days, there had been allowed of other activity that seemed was more pressing than work. Norman and Debbie Rideout, our missionaries from Thailand were wrapping up their 5 months in the states and we had many loose ends to tie up. We continue to have weekly meetings in our home, and this week a special new friend from South Africa was to speak, so there were even more preparations than usual to be made.

A weeks vacation, pulled muscle, kidney stone, meetings, and I work by the hour now, no salary. I was beginning to wonder how my family would eat in September. Then a kidney infection set in. I had never been laid this low. It wasn't the pain, but lack of energy. I got up in the morning, dressed and laid on the couch and except for numerous trips to the bathroom did not move except to go to bed that evening. The effects of the infection lasted only two days and nights, and graciously happened over the long labor day weekend.

Tuesday, still shaky from not eating, but feeling grand with all the various maladies over I went prepared for work. It was an amazing day. All I did was go from place to place and pick up checks for work and for sales. Some that I had not expected and others that were purely gifts from the Lord. One salesman had required my software product in order to sell his hardware. I did nothing but sit with him an hour to close my biggest sale ever. The company that distributes the product even increased by sales percentage by 10%. While I was in bed over the weekend another friend had finished a difficult conversion that I had given up on for lack of time, which allowed us to transform what would have been lost time into billable time. That evening I was given a check for work that had been done months earlier that I had not even expected to be paid for.

When I added up all that I had received in that day, my income for this week of being sick and laid up was more than I hope to make for a month. Now I am not one to proclaim a gospel of prosperity. I do not believe that it is the Lords objective to make us prosperous on the outside, but to get the attention of our heart and cause us to see Him.

Now these were some of my thoughts as I lay in bed this morning. A mixture of the busyness of the day and grace of yesterday, and still some anxiousness of tomorrow working out. Then I remembered the story that a friend likes to tell about the armour bearer of the king whose job it was to only bear the armour and when the fight comes he is to walk behind and kill which ever enemies he chooses. Those who have already fallen by the hand of the king.

Today the role of the armour bearer truly became mine. I have been walking behind the King only finishing up those things that He has started. It has always been so, and is for everyone, but most of us become so battle weary thinking that the fight is ours that we have no clear picture of the battle. It is His grace that incapacitated me, robbed me of my strength, made plain my helplessness all so that I could see that I have no battle to fight, only to follow the King and slay those enemies who are already fallen.

So now I worry, now I know that I am weak and helpless and must follow the King, what if He gets too far ahead of me and I find myself alone. But I remember Him telling me, "I will never leave you or forsake you." It is not even my job find my own way, or even maintain my position with Him. He will not leave ME.

I am ready for the day to begin. Amen.