This letter is a response from a mother to her son who wrote to her concerning his anger and bitter disappointment with his estranged father's unwillingness to have a relationship with him or be a role model for him throughout his life.


hi son,


so glad to hear from you. thanks for emailing me and sharing your thoughts. i hear your love and concern for your dad coming through loud and clear. i think your anger and feelings of disappointment with him are justified as you appear to be experiencing a sense of loss of what you think could be or could have been regarding a relationship with him. that, coupled with other losses, i.e., your girlfriend leaving and graduation from the "womb" of school are all part of the grief process you are going through.  it's like a death, really, and it always involves pain as you work through it. i speak from experience. this inner death is so necessary for new life to be birthed in us. all of nature attests to that... the butterfly in the cocoon is one example and, as you know, if you see the struggle and feel compassion and try to assist by opening the cocoon too soon, the butterfly will die. so just "be" in your pain while recognizing what is going on and know that soon you will fly free in your "new" identity. as a mother, all of my heart wants to rush to your side and rescue you from your pain but i cannot for wisdom shows me i must stand aside and not touch the necessary process. i can and do offer encouragement and cheer you on though, reminding you that you will get through this and none of this experience will be wasted (think of the type of father you will be when you have children and what you'll be able to offer them because you know from experience what a son needs.) also, it may help to remember that apart from all that psychological crap you do have a Father Who loves you enough to die for you and He continues to do so, in me and in others as we share your pain.  He's also in you and could we not also see that He's dying in you for life to come forth in your dad? you are bearing about in your body a tremendous longing and pain for "oneness" with your dad and while it appears on the surface to be self-motivated, i.e., "my" needs ... what can dad give "me",  your "real" heart is dying for him and for his freedom from the utter loneliness you see in him.  your dad cannot be anything but who he is right now because he does not love himself.  he seems to be stuck in that...he knows what he "should" do but cannot. he has chosen to live in the quicksand of the self-for-self life and believe the lie that we are independent and can do our own thing. we're not, you know. we are just containers ... old pots, really, who either contain a self-consuming self (satan) or a self-giving self (God.)... our choice. there's only one way out and he knows the way and only he can make that choice. our part is to continue, by faith, to believe God has him and in His time, your dad will grab hold of the Rope that will rescue him.  meanwhile, maybe we can see that God has him where he needs to be for yet a little while and is using the way he is for new life to come forth in you. ;-)

 

Eternally Loving You,

 

mom