Living Dangerously With Nuclear Energy
Someone recently wrote excitedly, asking about these things we declare, "Can it really be?" That is a real question, isn't it?
You say this is "a little dangerous?" No, it is a LOT dangerous. The most dangerous thing in the universe is to be a "self." We were placed in vanity -- self-absorption -- in order to be brought forth as true and right sons (which seems the exact wrong thing to do in order to accomplish it). But placing us in vanity and then giving us commandments to carry out, and good and evil to contend with, plays right into the hands of a continuation of the vanity. As little children we are trained to "be good" and taught the system of rewards for good and punishments for evil. And in vanity we make our choices, sometimes "good" and sometimes "evil," and judge ourselves and others thereby. And then an interesting thing happens for most of us, in that we secretly in our vanity become inner lovers of our own vanity, defenders of it, believing in our own rightness even when we have gone the way we have been warned against. We become self-lovers, out of necessity, since we can find no one else who will love us as we love ourselves. All of this is part of the vanity God placed us in. Our vanity becomes an impenetrable shell, like the Berlin Wall, which lets no one out (us) and no one in (others). And we guard it and defend it and do everything we can do to keep it.
Now, at this point we can mention the devil, because in his own eternal self-originated vanity, his office is to manage and promote this vanity, and we give him his due credit for it, but for our purposes he is almost unimportant, because his office to manage and promote this eternal vanity was given him by the Father in order to bring forth God's sons through the tempest and strife of contrariety, without which we could not be true sons. Sons who grow to maturity by a consciousness of life and death, a consciousness of strife and rest, a consciousness of good and evil, which only comes about in the "exercising" of the senses, "learning obedience through the things we suffer" (Heb 5:14; Heb 5:8). (We learn in our consciousness to "operate" in those opposites, rather than to try to deny one side or the other, but that's for another discussion.)
So the devil has his job, which is to sift the sons of God as God directs, but as I said above, for our purposes, we look only to God, and not his servant in his evil, the devil. In the same way in a classroom we look to the teacher for our understanding, and not to the test which trips us up. (But the purpose is the same.)
Of course the vanity is eventually found insufficient, first, because it begins to slowly dawn on us that we have an end, and the vanity which we love so much will cease to be, and personal philosophies and religious beliefs notwithstanding, it produces in us a lifelong unconscious gnawing fear. Second, though we are somewhat comfortable in our vanity, it really makes us deeply uncomfortable as well, because part of good and evil is also conscience, which you mentioned is so strong in you. And it is in everyone, because that is the spark of heaven in us all, the voice of God shouting in the midst of our vanity, "Come to ME." Somehow that inner voice, which is in us all, makes us know death and fear, shame and condemnation, and it is that voice that is so hard to take and from which we all attempt to flee for a time. But we cannot get away from it, nor can we overcome it, and we cannot by any means quiet it, since our vanity, in which God placed us by design, is incompatible with the spark of heaven in us (Christ -- the light that lights every man that comes into the world -- John 1:9). Which is to say, God has purposely put us into strife, i.e., vanity, that we might come to rest, i.e., Christ.
Now, it would take too long to go over this process from the beginning to end, but just briefly let me say that the beginning of the death of this vanity happens when out of our great necessity ("My father's servants have better stuff than this pig food, so I'm going home to my father so I can get something to eat and not die" - Prodigal son), we begin our journey back to the father who awaits us longingly and lovingly, never giving up on his own sons. As we begin to know, understand and receive the life of Another (outside our vanity) the shell surrounding us begins to crack up. And we begin to know the greatest thing we can know, and which eternally is the greatest thing we will ever know, and that is, that it is by and in this Life of Another that we live, move and have our existence now and forever. And it is only in this Other, and the safety of His eternal Cross, that we find our own safety and sonship, by a union between ourselves and Him, which produces a unity in life, so that we live, yet not we but He lives, but it is forever "we." (And we living are HE living, but forever as just ourselves.)
The exercise to consciousness of ourselves AS selves, (and eventually as right selves), was what God was after, even though it is more dangerous than nuclear energy in its wrong use, and many have been tripped by it and stumbled. But in the Cross in Christ we die to wrong self, but not to being selves, because we cannot. We ARE selves, and pride (sin, vanity, ego) stands always at the door to congratulate us and pat us on the back for being such wonderful selves, and that's what makes it so ultimately dangerous to come to the freedom of Christ, because we can only be mature and fully ourselves in complete and total liberty.
Christ is "one" with the Father, and in Him, "the Father does the works," and He "always does those things that please [the Father]." Jesus could have only said those things out of Freedom and not compulsion, in which He lived in liberty to do as He pleased, under no law except the law of life inside Him, and in that doing as He pleased, having no other will than the Father's, (and even when a separate will in Jesus tried to rear its head, he rejected it, "not my will but thine"), because in His own coming to consciousness (Heb 5:8), He had learned His "meat [was] to do the will of Him who sent Him." If we believe Hebrews, then we have to see that didn't just "come" to Him, but that He had "learned" it, i.e., came to a consciousness of Himself as the Father's expression and life, and in total safety could declare and claim Himself as THE light, THE bread, THE way, THE truth, and THE life. "I AM," He declared Himself to be (Jn 8:58), total self-affirmation, total "look at and listen to ME," He said to the world, and in ME, you will find life. Total ego, yet total righteousness. And some saw Him as a big ego out for Himself, because that was what they were and they could not see anything other than what they knew, but others who knew their need saw Him dimly as Who He was -- the Word of Life and Hope. And it is the same with us, and how others will see us.
We always say that absolute power corrupts absolutely, and in men this is absolutely true. But God is ALL Power and truly the ONLY Power, and Jesus the Son said, "All power in heaven and earth is given unto me." And we know there is no corruption in the Father and the Son, and by that same safety, in which we live in Him in His Cross, we come boldly before God, united in Him, and take that "thing" of the greatest power and greatest risk -- ourselves -- and affirm His truth in us so that even in strife and conflict, we know Him as the safety and rest within, and that we living is He living, but it is us.
Too good to be true? It's like Jesus saying it is easer for a camel to squeeze through the hole in a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. Of course everybody takes that for somebody who in this world is rich, but he really doesn't mean that. He means that we are rich in vanity, ALL OF US, and no man (flesh) may approach unto God in that sort of wealth. But not to despair, because what is impossible with men is possible with God. We are all rich men, and in that we "forsake all that we have" (ourselves), He proves to us that with God, all things are possible -- even to walk with volatile nuclear energy in critical mass coursing through our system -- and we can walk in total freedom (doing what pleases us) and in safety in even in that scary place, because now what pleases us, is what pleases Him, since He and I are one.