Forgive My Unbelief
"I was lying on my cot in the twilight of early evening, drifting in and out of consciousness as I tried to both recharge my batteries and escape consciousness. The general malaise and sense of hopelessness, accentuated by a seemingly endless winter, fed by the usual self-loathing at my inability to rise above the chaos of my life with any authentic message of hope for myself or others, nipped at the edges of my consciousness with it's familiar sense of condemnation.
In a word (or three words) I was defeated and deflated -- feeling empty, powerless and hopeless.
But as I surrendered to the darkness a gentle mantle of peace fell over me and I heard from somewhere beyond a clear and present voice say, "Do you mean to say that the death and resurrection of my beloved Son is not sufficient to eradicate your shame and prove you both loved and completely acceptable -- beyond condemnation? what audacity to carry on as if you are not! You need to begin to love yourself with the same love with which I have loved you. Only believe."
Forgive me, my Father, for the insult of my unbelief. I will arise and live in the glory of your redemption and your love.