If God Be For Us
Many months ago someone wrote me about a situation with his daughter, who had been raped some years before, and who was at that time starting a lesbian relationship. Obviously very concerned about his daughter, he was also convinced that spiritual forces were out to destroy him and his family because apparently many other "negative things" had been happening to them. This is some of my reply.
First of all, I have to first of all take issue with something you said. This is it: "... but I know that their are spiritual forces at work to destroy us as a family and it has been very, very apparent for the last 20 years, to the point that people always ask why these things always happen to us."
My point to differ with you is that this is to build you up, not to destroy you.
The first place you have to put your eyes is on God and not on Satan. Sure, the bad guys are out to destroy you. And me, and everybody else they can get their hands on. They work overtime at it.
So what? "Why do the heathen rage? .... The Lord shall have them in derision." (Ps 2:1,4). Do you think any of those plotters worry God?
You have to ask yourself and finally come down to answering the question: Who is in charge? IF God is in charge, then what or who will come against you to destroy you, since you are God's? There is no power that can set itself against you. And if a wicked power were arrayed against you, Who caused it to be and for what purpose would it be? (Gen 50:20).
Secondly, allow the blame to be lifted from youself. You didn't mention blaming yourself in what you wrote, but perhaps this shoe might fit a little bit. "There is now therefore no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk according to the Spirit." You have been the perfect father for her! We don't look to human weakness and apparent "imperfection" as the final reality, but trust the Living God in us, Who promises to live in us and to walk in us and be our God.
Going back to the first point, "Who is in charge?," you have to step back from the forefront of your emotional involvement just a bit to see the big picture.
Does God love your daughter? Does God love the person who you believe is leading your daughter astray? Has He mapped out a plan for their lives? Is His redemption planned for them? Does He know everything it will take, everything that needs to be said, experienced, thought, questioned, to bring them to the end of their separate selves and into the freedom of His Kingdom and union with Him? Can you TRUST HIM with your daughter's life? Can you see HIM in your daughter? (Oh, believe me, He's there. I don't know your daughter, but see Him plain as day as the Lamb in the midst of her heart.)
You mentioned all the psychological reasons your daughter might be going this way, as if correcting that will fix the problem. It won't. Everything that has happened to your daughter, everything, including the rape and a lesbian relationship, will all be resurrected and filled with Life. I can see it even now. That won't happen because her psychology improves. It comes from God within.
Bottom line, can you see God at work in what is repulsive sin to you? That might be a hard one, but you are not just you, but Christ in you, Who is strength in your weakness. He is also your single eye, opening your mind and heart to seeing only Him and His purposes at work. Every wicked thing that has come to your daughter is a seed of grace and will be the Tree by which she testifies of Christ. Believe.
I have no "practical advice" on how to solve this situation. Like I told somebody last week, I don't know any answer to anything except Christ in us and faith.
My experience, however, would lead me to say that a hard-line and puritanism would probably drive your daughter away, whereas acceptance of her and even her friend at least on a social level with genuine respect for them and who they are (as free human beings on the path to finding themselves), would probably keep them within the reach of your affection and keep the lines of communication open. I'm not sure pamphlets about the evils of homosexuality would do anything other than alienate. Even though you might think they need "law," show grace. Jesus said to sinners who hadn't even repented, "Man, thy sins are forgiven thee." That made the Pharisees mad, telling "sinners" they were forgiven. Yet they ARE! Did you know that? All "sinners" (including you and me) are ALREADY forgiven. So to say to anyone, whether or not they've repented already, "Man thy sins ARE forgiven thee," is TRUTH, and cold water to a thirsty soul. And in this case, I would say that "man thy sins are forgiven thee" is more an attitude than anything we might say. If we hold no sin against anyone in our hearts and minds, that in and of itself imparts forgiveness, probably lots more than words.
Remember, we love him, not because we thought it up, but because He FIRST loved us! He awoke love in us by loving us -- while we were yet sinners! And we do the same by loving them, surprising them, because they think that they are unloveable and condemn themselves (and they don't need us to condemn them further).
You can't be concerned about your own "Christian" integrity or what other people will think about you. Your only concern is with your daughter. Your heart has to guide your way in this, more than your head.
But finally, God Himself is the only answer. You cannot know the way to go, or find the strength to go there if you knew the way. Every day is God's Day, and every day is a mystery. You walk it step by step in the faith that He is living your life, and that the Life you are living is His Love expressed, and trust everyday, one day at a time, to Him.
I do understand your agony. I have three adult children. We have not been spared the problems of the world any more than anybody else. So I know, and I do understand.
But the only thing that keeps me sane or keeps me from running off to Tahiti (I can't afford to get there, so it would probably have to be Daytona), is knowing God truly is Love and His Love runs the whole show. Hard to believe, hard to swallow sometimes, especially when things get SO personal, but true nevertheless.
"I will both lay me down and sleep, in peace, for thou, O Lord, only makest me to dwell in safety." (Ps 4:8)
Finally, let me leave you with this. I got it from John Bunting, who said it's the only prayer he prays for His children:
"Lord, all I ask it that they may know You, and the power of Your resurrection." (Phil 3:10)
That's all we want for ourselves, our children, and our world.