Surprise Surprise Surprise!
Luli forwarded your comments and your words zing with truth that I really don't know yet. The signal is strong, but my receiver is weak. I dial past the truth hearing glimpses of what I am trying to find and then spend the next few hours trying to recapture the signal. (Wait, that can't be right. My receiver is exactly as He made it, so what am I talking about? That dial-through is all that He intended me to get. If he had wanted me to get more, he certainly could have arranged a larger wave band!). Such is life.
I don't know if I've heard as much self-blame for the failure of a spiritual life laid on anyone as I did to myself the last time I made the same consideration.
You say, "if he had wanted me to get more he could have arranged a larger wave band" and I know you're giving glory there to God, yet, darnit, I'm hearing self-pity there.
I think you apologize for what God lets get through, or limits getting through.
Don't worry, it's a common virus. Suffer from it myself.
Nothing you can do about it, except say, "Even this is you, O Lord. You are All in all in me."
And that includes your "weak receiver." That "weak receiver" does not exist outside the Living God -- "by Him all things consist."
Hey, how 'bout that? You're WEAK!!!!!
As Gomer Pyle said, "Surprise Surprise Surprise!"
So you're absolutely OK then, since His strength is made perfect right where you are.
That about sums it up.
All my love,