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10/07/08
The daily thought was just what I needed to hear today. I need to hear it everyday. I heard it at the reunion this weekend. I got home and started getting hit between the eyes with things. What struck me is that in this world everything seems dual…I can seem both sinful and righteous but I don’t live from this world. I live from the unseen world where everything is one and I am truly who God says I am…His precious one, His own, His beloved child with whom He is well pleased. Just like the image that Fred painted so well with Jacob and Esau. It looks like me hairy arms and all but it is truly Christ. I’m wondering if there will come a time where I am so truly settled in this that this world’s pull will have no effect on me?

I’m learning it’s all good and not to worry. That’s what I’m hearing both outside (the reunion) and inside. I have come to a point where I have just thrown my hands up in the air and said the heck with it! I’m tired of keeping an eye on my feelings, trying to make them “good” or trying to lift myself up…it’s just more self help anyway. If God is truly my life then why am I stressing over them?! So, let them be what they may because I live this life by faith in my God and not by my feelings! And what is so cool, what all the speakers spoke about personally, is God is in those feelings we despise the most. He’s IN them and that’s the joy. It’s like you said Luli, if we’re in hell, well He’s there too. It is such a comfort to KNOW He is in EVERYTHING. I didn’t always believe that but I can’t help myself now. It is my lifeline. And it’s like you said, we are indwelt by a PERSON, not this principle of that one or this idea or theology. But a real live person and not just any person but THE PERSON. And everything just brings me back to that realization.

You know, I have always wondered about that verse you quoted about bearing about in our bodies the suffering of Christ. So can I say my present sufferings whether it be depression or my child being bullied can be for others? Well, of course it can because I’m dead and He is my life now and that includes everything doesn’t it? I just answered my own question. It always comes back to a person doesn’t it?

I have another question. My idea of “good” and “evil” have changed so much. Sometimes it scares me. And sometimes when I read the Bible (or remember reading the Bible) I think it still emphasizes good over evil and I wonder if I have got it wrong. But then I think I don’t need to worry because I have trusted God with all my heart and I truly am not leaning on my own understanding anymore so I just accept it. This life is so different than what I thought it “should” be but I would never willingly go back to the old way of thinking. I just can’t. It’s impossible. I sometimes would get scared because I wouldn’t see anyone else going through these things but now I know there are others and when I am with them, I am just one of them. That’s pretty darn cool.

Ok, enough for now. YOU are such a dear.

Much love to you!
Patty